Anonymous commented on my last post:
“I love God, I’m totally in love with the house and I love being in His presence, but when it comes to doing it daily I feel lost…and I can’t get over the constant condemnation when I miss a day or two or 15…I don’t know how to get over beating myself up over it.
I’m being tugged in every direction…to plan one event to having to attend another, to working additional hours in a week, that sometimes all I want to do is just catch my breath for a second…”
This is exactly how I used to feel about prayer. In fact, I began to avoid prayer because trying to pray made me feel so bad about by spiritual “performance.” Now it is so clear to me that had ZERO foundational understanding of grace. My understanding of salvation was filtered through a works-based mentality, and I could never believe that God was really pleased with me.
The thing that really changed my life forever was when my husband, Stovall, preached a message called “so Great A Salvation.” In it, he went into a lot of detail about how we are saved and the whole aspect of sin and how we relate to God — it was literally a pivotal moment in my life. Any time I talk to someone who is struggling with condemnation I always really encourage them to listen to that series. Without fail, I have seen it bring freedom and encouragement! You can buy the series at our resource center or order it online at the resources section of the website.
So what about the others of you who are reading — do you have any advice for “Anonymous”? I’d love to hear it.
xoxo — K
13 Comments
We are all guilty of getting caught up in the whirlwind of life at one time or another. But, besides just feeling God’s presence in His house or on my one to one time, I feel His presence all day long. You can say what I call “arrow” prayers. They are just a few phrases or sentences you pray to God during the course of the day. For example; when my husband leaves for work, I say my good-byes, and as I shut the door, I’ll say, “Lord I pray your favor over my husband today. Thank you for my husband, please bless him and protect him.” Or if I am about to raid the refrigerator, I’ll pray, ” Lord, please give me your will power. Your life-style can be a prayer, by living out in worship. That is having God conscienceness all day long. As for one on one time, start with baby steps. Make a conscious effort to say I am going to have a 5 minute prayer/word study time. You end up doing more, but that way it doesn’t seem so overwhelming, and you are more likely to commit. Romans 8:1 says, there is therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Sooooo, don’t go beating yourself up. That’s not from God. Our God is not legalistic. He looks at your heart. As for a hectic life; step back a moment, and check the God grid. That means, God should be first in your life, then your husband, then your children, then everything else. It’s OK to say “no” to the extras in your life if the God grid is not in order.
I have also had a similar experience. When my prayer life was “filtered through a works-based mentality” I felt like I didn’t have time to talk to God much less listen to the voice of God. I was too busy working. Kinda like,the sisters in the Bible when one was at the feet of Jesus while the other was working in the kitchen. Well, I thought surely I was in the presence of God during the church services and the meetings, and the group sessions, and all the tasks that keep me busy for the house of God.
Anyway, my moment was in my car listening to a worship song by Michael W. Smith……(do you know the song)
” I’ll give you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within, through the way things appear. I’m coming back to the heart of worship, it’s all about you Jesus”
Then I began to understand God’s grace and his desire for intimacy and relationship. I then experienced freedom through grace.It still was easy but my heart loved, served and forgave from a different perspective.
I use to feel that overwhlemed or not conscious too ~ then one day I changed how I looked at things, adjusted my vision; perception; outlook…whatever it was. I make an effort to be mindful of who I encounter in my daily conversations, see the blessing, see the beauty. I smile, embrace, recognize others and I feel full and more grounded. I use to feel overwhelmed but now I feel whole, blessed, grounded. Thank you for the different perspective through the message.
As women we are typically good @ multi tasking or @ least we give it our best shot because we have so much on our plate. I recognized over the years that if I did not “schedule” time in for God, I simply did not “make” the time to spend with Him…So I too lived under condemnation for not being as relational or as spiritual as I felt I should have been…Once I realized that although it was important to have time “alone” with God, we should never be truly alone from Him, HE IS with us 24/7/365…During my entire agenda, work, play, family, friends, husband, w/e I was doing or not doing, He was/is always there…not only when I walked thru the doors of our AWESOME church, but everywhere! So what worked for me and helped me “feel” like I was really being relational with God was involving Him in more things, my day to day! Most days He is the first conversation I have in the am and the last one when I go to bed in the pm…Not to mention I have access to Him all day long and I have the freedom to pray and worship Him wherever and whenever I choose…When we take the restrictions that we put on ourselves off, we find the freedom and the time throughout our busy days to just commune with God in our own personal way vs. a ritualistic routine that “people” may say we need…We don’t want to box Him in…
WOW! IF I didn’t know better I would think Anon. was me be before and your words, Kerri are mine now! I too lived with a works-based mentality and Satan really used that to paralyze me. I fear sinning rather than fearing the Lord. I truly feared my every move–fearing that anything I did could possibly be that last straw that broke the camels back to make God stop loving me–(mostly cause I really couldn’t stand myself!!!!)
I don’t know if it was the same series that Kerri mentioned, but Stovall did a series where he compared the old law to the new covenant. Kerri, I smiled as I read your words because I too remember sitting in Celebration, on the right side of the sanctuary, about halfway down the aisle and almost literally FEELING a paradigm shift in my thinking. It was truly God who was showing me through Stovall’s message that it was JESUS’ work on the Cross and His UNCONDITIONAL love for ME that is the only “work” I need to focus on. My whole motivational foundation became not about trying to prove my worth, but to thank Jesus for His worth! The truth is, when I finally quit trying to figure out why God would love me–with all my junk, and all my shortcomings and just trusted the truth that He does LOVE me, I was setfree!
Anonymous, I am praying the following prayer in Ephesians 3, especially 17-18 for you! You are NOT anonymous to the God our Father and He loves You so much!
Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Be free my dear sister, if there are things that need to change, Jesus will show you and He will do it with Grace and compassion, and clarity!!! If you feel guilt and condemnation and confusion that is from satan and he does not have a hold on you!
I used to live a long, unfruitful Christian life of condemnation, so I can relate. Condemnation can still be one of my hardest struggles. What has given me the most freedom is when I realized condemnation is not from God, but from the enemy & therefore not to be received. I have to take every thought captive. I do this with a list of verses I call the “Who I Am in Christ” verses. Pracilla Shire(SP?) has a list of them in her study “Can We Talk”. When I’m not feeling like my heart is lining up with what God says about me, I whip out these scriptures and remind myself what God says about me. I know He doesn’t lie!
I have been a christian since 7 years of age, fully aware of the foundational truths of God & his presence, etc. Although, since I was 15 I have been a hamster on a treadmill, with an occasional glance to the side, only to wish I could walk with the “normal” people. Words such as “balance”, “margin”, “priorities”, “mind over matter” and “prayer” were repeated stumbling blocks. I had no control over my life - Life controlled me.
If I could have put into words what I wanted it would be “peace”, “contentment”, “a connection/relationship with God”…..(and “sleep” is always nice), but as much as I felt I was grasping at them they did not come. It was then I realized I never had any control and just how bad I felt about myself. God was always right there, I just think he was there for “me”.
I hit the brick wall recently, but with love and support from a couple Celebration women, I was introduced to the series “Superwoman in the making” and “So Great Salvation”. I have listened to each anywhere from 8 to 10 times. Each time I receive another piece to my puzzle as I am making myself whole again. The liberation of knowing the strength God has over everything around me, as well as the strength he gave me because he loves ME continues to sink in each and every day. We’re all a work in progress, but more importantly, we are all God’s children. My devotion(s) are not anything spectacular. I read Luke 2:22-25 each morning and remember the words “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me” through the course of the day - when deadlines, responsibilities and obligations tug me every which way. Then I ask God to take this day and help me through it, as I am still re-building myself from my crash. I am amazed at the peace God has given me under circumstances wherein I would previously fall apart. You’ve got a good support group here…..
These are all wonderful comments and words of advice! For many of you who wrote I am so privileged to say that I have personally seen the transformations you are writing about! Goad’s grace really is AMAZING! Love to all of you — Kerri
I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the above comments and prayers. It’s means a lot to me! I’m listening to a song by Meredith Andrews called “You’re Not Alone”. It’s amazing how one can feel at the very moment when you realize you’re not alone in this race. I can say that I have felt the prayers and I’ve had some major “ah ha” moments over the last two days. God’s doing an amazing work in and through me! He’s not finished.
I came across a picture this morning of a broken water picture (sp?) which had been put back together piece by piece. It was a wreck, but I found it beautiful at the same time. Under the picture I saw the words: Take time to be with the Lord as you piece it back together.
We’re not meant to put the broken pieces together ourselves, but to ask God to help us…that’s what His grace is for right?!
I’m broken right now and it’s time for me to learn how to walk with God through a new perspective…God, please continue to reveal yourself to me…Just as the water picture has been pieced back together, where the cracks are shown and the glue which was used to put it back together is showing, remind me daily that you don’t see me as broken, but as your beautiful daughter!
Thank you again everyone! Pastor Kerri thank you for allowing God to use you!
XOXOXO
I may be a little late on this and perhaps not as eloquently versed, but when I begin to feel like God would be upset with what I am not doing, that I am not as spiritually attuned as I would like to be and begin allowing the enemy to tell me that God won’t “love me as much” that he “won’t bless me” or whatever, I remember that I am God’s daughter and just as my own daughter makes mistakes and is by no means perfect- my love for her does not change. I don’t feed her less or make her sleep outside because of a falter- and neither does God! He loves us just because.
I do believe that He misses us and longs to spend more time with us, just as we do with our loved ones. But He is patient and waits for us always. My prayers are not always as long and beautiful as I would like. And sometimes I don’t know what to talk about. So in those moments I just begin to thank Him and love on Him. When we think of a relationship with someone- our fondest moments are those spent around the table just talking and spending time with each other and I truly believe that God wants that with us. So I would say remember you are God’s beautiful daughter- and He loves you no matter. Period. And condemnation never comes from God- that is the enemy lying to you. If you are in doubt of how to talk to God, just begin by talking. I am sure He will listen.
I read the post called “3 Faqs You Need To Know” and it said we could ask any question we wanted on relationships,ect.Well,I have one about my current relationship.I am currently egaged,have been since Feb. 2008,and he is a non Christian.Our relationship has been perfect up until I realized I needed a relationshio with the Lord.He hasn’t been awful,but he’s just worried that I’ll be taken away from him and his view of a church itself isn’t very good.I am worried and I do love him.I suggested to him that we take a pre-marital course and he said he would take it.I was thinking it would help.Also,my future in laws are living with us right now and they are quite critical of my faith.I’m going through a rough time,any advice?
congratulations!!! u most likely know life is full uncertainty & deciding to do it together, 4ever, well is AWESOME, but still scary.
remember: God LOVES u- & wants us not to fear, He’ll ALWAYS be there 4 us in ALL decisions. this is the best time 2 learn all about each other b4 the “i do’s”: so learn what he & they r like during the good & bad times, & c if u2 can weather it out as a couple.
my best advice: know who u r in God (if u don’t, go find out 1st), if u feel fear or doubt rear it’s head: PRAY, be thankful in everything & everyone, b patient (when needed), b kind (when needed), b 4giving (when needed), b a good example (always) & love IS hard work (all day & every day).
marriage was THE hardest, roughest, most time consuming work i’ve ever had, then came baby…good luck…i mean, good work.
Hi Anonmynous:
I just want to say how “pleased the Lord is with you” for your transparancy and for wanting to do what’s right.
Your heart is obviously “open to recieve from the Lord”, and others.
There was a time in my life that I felt my life was like a puzzle.
It had some missing pieces and I didn’t know how it would ever come together.
After years of trying to seek from people the things that I thought would piece it all together and make me whole…..I learn through many relationships that God was the ONLY ONE that could bring the “wholeness” that I longed for.
Through pursuring a deeper relationship with God’s Holy Spirit, I now can say that he has brought wholeness into my life and now the picture is clear of my identity in Christ and Who he is to me.
The Lord’s character is NEVER to beat you up.
God is long suffering, patient, kind, good and gentle.
Even when he corrects you, he shows you the way out and gives you the power to overcome.
John 10:10 the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy-he is the accuser of the brethren. He will beat you up in thoughts.
He trys to make God’s people catives.
But you can bring his thoughts of condemnation into captivity by “reading the Bible” to him or by “speaking scriptures” to him.
[If you don't know any scriptures to combat his accusations-say something "posative" [and keep on saying it until you get the victory over your thoughts].
I am so glad to hear that you are being encouraged and that you are seeking “wholeness” in your life.
The water pitcher you mentioned reminded me of a scripture the Lord has for you…..
“The work that I have begun in you-I will finish it until the day that Christ returns”.
God knows your beginning and your end.
He is the “One” who is doing the work [inbetween your beginning and end—-and what He has begun in you …….. he WILL finish!
When you read your Bible - see your self in the New Testament doing what the disciples where doing that followed Jesus.
Jesus is the same today that he was then and he lives in you forever.