I’m not a mom yet, but my husband and I are in the “thinking” stages of starting a family. If you would have asked me five years ago if I would return to work or be a stay at home mom, I would have responded with a very loud RETURNING TO WORK! I love working, and my career can only be described as God-given and blessed. Now that I am a little older, I have this deep desire to stay at home with my future child/children. Maybe that is because we would not be able to make it on just my husband’s income alone. I keep thinking of all the things I would miss out on if I was working.

I have accomplished my career goals in the corporate world, and I am ready to take on the job of Mom just as much as I poured myself into the other corporate jobs. One of the huge reasons we haven’t had children yet is because I now have a desire to stay at home. And I don’t feel like staying home is possible. I keep praying for God’s direction and keep reminding myself to trust in our miracle working God.

I used to know what I wanted and now that my desires are changing, I am finding myself wanting to be at home with my future kids.

My sister-in-law is a stay at home mom, and I always thought she had the life because she didn’t have to go to work everyday. She has 4 beautiful, happy and healthy children. Now I no longer look at her and envy her for not having to wake up at 7am everyday. I look at her and think how much more rewarding her job is than mine. It is probably much tougher than mine, but so much more rewarding.

I have always worked full time. My husband and I co-parent and split the parental and household duties 50/50. I couldnt work full time without his support. We schedule our vacation time and personal days around the kids school holidays. I dont see any reason to be at home when the kids are at school. We have always carefully selected our extended day and afterschool care with teachers who make them feel safe and loved. When we get home at night we spend time together and the weekends are always spent together. Very rarely do we use a babysitter as we try to plan activites for the whole family to enjoy. I don’t feel guilty for being a working mom, if anything working has provided the extra funds that allows us to give our children things they need and to help pay for thier college education which we started saving for early on. I think the key is a consistent routine and parents who find the time in thier busy days to make their children a #1 priority. When work becomes a priority, then the children suffer… Hope this helps.

Hi Kerri,
This is a good topic, and a sensitive one. I was brought up like you, in that if you have children, “your place is at home”. Even as a young teen I remember thinking that I would like to have the option to work or not work, feeling I would not be content if I did not contribute monetarily. I grew up poor and didn’t want to stay poor; Neither did I want my children going without as I did, if I could help. As it turned out I was a teen mom. The marriage started and stopped almost at the same time and I worked 3 1/2 jobs until I remarried in my late 20s. I didn’t get the “option”. What’s worse was my children suffered as well. I simply could not give them much in the means of materialistic means. My goal became to be there for them emotionally as I could not come through for them materially. God and morals, values and love (not in the form of materialism) were my top priority. I wondered some times if it was worth it, but I see now that God carried me through a very long and hard time in all of our lives. We succeeded and beat the statistics, but not without a few battle scars.

Children need stability, balance and boundaries. Whether you can (and want to ) work, or embrace the mothering season to it’s fullest or work part time – if keeping those three things in mind – I think that’s between you and your spouse. God doesn’t say “we can” or “we can’t” with respect to working, etc. – but he does give guidelines for us to live by. We each are subject to consequences if we don’t obey him in any capacity, not just employment. What works for some families, mothers, children, etc., doesn’t work for others. It’s an individual and personal decision that, with little room for criticism from anyone.

We didn’t try to have a baby until we decided we could afford living solely on my (ex) husband’s income. We both were in agreement that I would become a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). Going from a professional (Mental Health Court Liaison in the jail) to a SAHM was a very difficult transition. I felt less respected by some people who looked at me funny when they found out I was a SAHM. It was almost like they were looking at me with pity. I felt had to “justify” my decision by saying something like, “I used to work in mental health but now I’m a stay-at-home-mom”. I had people ask me, “Aren’t you wasting your degree by staying home?” …as if my Sociology/Psychology degree was going to be squandered raising a human being. Some felt my degree was better utilized working with Schizophrenics than it was raising my child. They would ask me why I would go through all that college just to “not use” my education.

Other people were supportive about what I was doing and told me how brave I was. Consequently, I joined moms’ groups with other former professionals and felt less like a freak. I purged the “friends” who dropped me for “not working”, and made new friends with other moms who encouraged me. I created a new normal.

I am so glad that I was blessed to be able to stay home. When my daughter began Kindergarten, I went back to work. Not everyone is able to stay home, however, and I understand that. Everyone has to do what is best for their family…whatever makes you a better mom. Sometimes we women are our own worst enemies, looking down at other woman for not making the same decisions we would make. I’ve never had a man give me grief because I didn’t (I couldn’t) breast feed, but I sure had some women chastise me.

As difficult as it was at first, I don’t regret staying home one bit! Thanks to God I was able to carry out the SAHM life quite well.

P.S. Fyi, working with Schizophrenics was way easier than being a mom…

I was married 9 years before we had children so I always worked prior to being a mom. As a little girl all that I ever wanted to be was to be a Mom and stay home with my child. Needless to say my dream was not to be a reality. The hardest thing I ever had to do was leave my 10 week old child with someone to care for him during the day. I felt like I was doing something totally wrong. I cried the first two weeks when I dropped him off in the mornings. I carry all the life and health insurance on our family and our families budget was based on two incomes so I knew that I would HAVE to go back to work. My child is almost 10 and he is a well adjusted, sweet child. Going back to work made me feel (at that time) that maybe I did not love my child enough that I should have figured out a way to stay with him. Boy, was I wrong. As the years have gone by I have learned ways to spend time with him like field trips at school, parties at school and taking off for three day weekends. I am fortunate that my spouse is a great Parent and we work together as a team. I have always heard the saying “It is not the quantity of time it is the quality of time”. That is so true. I may not get to spend all of the time with my child that I want to but the time we are together is the best time in the world for us. We laugh, play and do things together that build memories for both of us.

I am a homeschooling mom….it kind of just happened. We started teaching our children very young, and when it was time to attend kindergarten, they were ahead. We decided at that point to continue homeschooling. Over the years, I have struggled with staying at home while wanting to continue my education or bring in an extra income working part-time. My husband has wanted me at home, my kids wanted me at home, so I stayed at home. I finally came to the conclusion that I get one chance to raise my children, and I will be able to do other things once they are grown. We are a very close family, and I have been blessed to be able to spend every day with my children as they are growing up. One will graduate next year, one the year after that, and our youngest will be a 9th grader next year. It has been an amazing journey, and I do not regret for one moment spending these years at home with them. I praise God He has given us the means for me to continue staying home, even though some times we were unable to have some things we “wanted”…we have never been without our “needs”!

This topic could not be more timely. My husband and I just had our first child in July. She will be six weeks old tomorrow. Prior to her birth I thought and prayed long and hard about my decision to stay at home or return to work. Those who know me, know how much I am called to work in the marketplace…that’s where I thrive and where I have been able to impact others are a greater capacity for God. Deciding to return to work was almost a no brainer. Now that I have my daughter, and the time for me to return to work gets closer and closer, it’s honestly becoming a struggle. I find myself questioning my decision and wondering, should I really be staying at home? Can someone else really care for my daughter the way that I can? Will they love her as much as I do? It’s hard. While I know it’s what the Lord wants to me to and I know that He will give me the grace to do it, it’s just plain hard! Thanks to those who have shared their hearts and thoughts on this topic…

I consider it a privilege to stay at home. My kids are 19 months, 3, and 4. I am a preacher’s kid..from a divorced home (my parents divorced when I was 13). My mom couldn’t stay home with us when my brother and I were young. I remember begging her to stay home. But financially she couldn’t. And daycare scarred me for life. I hated it. I feel like I missed out on alot with my mom. And I got in trouble alot b/c my parents weren’t home when I’d get home from school. So I decided young that when I got married, we would sacrifice and live in a shoebox if it meant I was able to stay home and raise my kids. Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace addressed this topic in the series the peasant princess. Women were created to be the care takers, to manage the home. And men were created to be the provider and protector. I started working when I was 14. And didn’t stop until I quit my job as a dental hygienist. It was a great job. Great pay. Great hours. But to me it’s not worth it. I only get one opportunity to raise these kids. One chance. Then I’ll have the rest of my life to do what I want to do. And it’s not easy; I have days where I want to throw in the towel, stick them in daycare and go back to work where I’d get paid and feel appreciated. But I couldn’t imgine not cooking dinner every night (there’s no way I could with travel time if I were working). And I couldn’t imagine not witnessing every milestone and kissing away tears. It’s the hardest job on the planet and the best. My hat goes off to working moms. I honestly don’t know how they do it.

This is a great topic! Sometimes we don’t want to bring this up in the Christian realm because it’s a hot topic, but I’m glad you’re bringing it up for discussion!
I agree that it’s a very personal decision among each individual, the spouse, and of course God. As with anything else, if God has first place in the family, then He will lead each family to the best decision, and He will take care of the rest. His grace will be there to meet whatever needs that may arise due to the mom working inside or outside the home.
I am a 74/25 mom I’m with my girls 75% of the time, and I work outside very part-time. Like someone already mentioned here, it was always my dream to stay at home. When I had my first daughter, I discovered that the reality was very far from my dream. I grew up as an only child, so I always had the freedom to do whatever I wanted with my time. That was no longer the case – and I had rather a fussy baby to take care of. It was a very difficult transition. As always, God’s grace was there when I was weak. My husband and my mother (who lives down the street) have been such tremendous help, I was able to start working part-time (so I can get a break from the mom-role), and I found a great community of moms to encourage me on this new journey (a little plug for our MOPS group). Now, I know that this was the right path for our family…and I cherish every moment.
For me, the greatest benefit of being able to spend most of my time with my girls (during their early years) is that I am the main person involved in their moral development. I am not so concerned with their intellectual development as much as I am about them developing Biblical, moral virtues (such as respect, responsibility, and self-control).
Again, as long as we are leading a God-first family life, I believe God will guide us in the right direction. (One last plug: whether you’re a working parent at home or outside, we’d love to have you join us in our parenting small group Growing Kids God’s Way starting this fall at Midtown Campus .

great MOPS plug maria…That is a great way to feel supported by other moms of young children whether you work or not! It is a very individual decision and one that needs to be looked at from each angle…financially, maritally, individually for the children, sanity for yourself. I am a much better mom because I am a working mom. Some would say the total opposite and I respect that too…it is just what is best for ME and my family.

This is a great topic for sure. My husband and I had our first baby in July. She turns 7 weeks tomorrow ~ the same day I start back at work. The decision was kind of made for us that I had to go back to work (I’m in Korea on a work visa. If I stop working, I have to go home and apply for a new one.), but that doesn’t make it any easier. We have also had to deal with a whole bunch of unique problems because we live in Korea. (Finding a pediatrician that speaks decent English, for example.) I’m so grateful because we were blessed with a PHENOMENAL nanny to take care of my baby. Before she took the job for us, she volunteered in the city orphanage, taught people how to take care of babies at the city education office, and is licensed to care for babies by the city. She is absolutely amazing, and I love her to pieces. She’s on her third half day with my daughter (trying to ease my baby in to full-time care), and I could not be happier. The nanny loves my baby as if she was her own and is so kind. That said, this is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through. My heart just aches to not be with my baby taking care of her. I am so sad that the nanny will see my daughter more often than I will. I just have to keep in mind that God is still watching her and taking care of her, even when she’s not with me. I never imagined how difficult this would be… I’d love to be with my daughter full-time, but I don’t see that happening anytime in the near future. For now, I’ll have to make the most of the time I do get to spend with her.

Funny you should ask! I just started back into teaching this month after being at home with our children for the past four years. My husband and I would agree to have me stay home if money weren’t an issue. I really enjoyed my time at home as I involved ourselves with our local MOMS Club, our MOPS group here at Celebration, the JACKPOTTS multiples club here in Jax., and in our neighborhood. It was a great bonding experience for us all. Now, I’m back into teaching due to our need for more income to meet our family needs. These last four years have been financially difficult, but I wouldn’t change them for anything. I am blessed to have a teaching job right now, as well as to take all three of our children with me to where I work. It’s a major adjustment to only see them for a couple of hours a day, though.

After my parents divorced my mother raised my sister and I on her own. I remember her being torn between family and work. Work usually won because we had to be fed, clothed and sheltered. There were times she couldn’t be available to attend school functions, etc. She always said she wished she could have been a SAHM. She feels that she missed out on a lot of things.

I’ve been a SAHM since my son Aaron was born in 2008. Prior to his birth I worked in the insurance industry. I have a degree in Human Development and Family Studies but never developed a career in that field. It was an easy decision for my husband and I to make. I never felt like I was leaving a career because it was just a job.

My husband and I both know that my time as a SAHM is limited. Not just for financial reasons but for my own personal reasons. I LOVE my sons & am grateful for this time but I don’t see myself being a SAHM long term.

Being a SAHM is difficult; really difficult. I have the support of my husband, MOPS, and another mom’s group but it’s still difficult. Being a SAHM mom is basically like having 2 full time jobs. I work day-shift and night-shift. There are times when my day begins at 4:45am and doesn’t slow down til 7pm when my husband gets home.

I am blessed to have easy babies. I am blessed to be the one to teach them almost everything they know. I am blessed to be their sun and moon right now. I know one day they will be embarassed to be seen with me in public. So I cherish this time. I know when I’m back in the workforce I’ll miss the ability to “be my own boss” and set my own routine. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

I think that each family should do what is God’s will for them to do. Have I faced criticism? A little. I’ve gotten snide remarks here and there but I’ve also recieved compliments. People always talk about how happy and smart the boys are. That overshadows the negative remarks.

I have had to be a working mom since I was divorced. It is very dificult to balance and the kids do adjust but we all have missed out on things. God blessed me with staying home this summer and it has been the most incredible 3 months of my life with my family and with God. I will be returning to work mid-September but I am going back with a different attitude. Work only what I need to and be home with the precious gifts God gave me for this season of their lives

I love this topic! This is something that I have struggled with since I had my 1st child 7 years ago. I have 4 children now and I worked full-time through each pregnancy and went back to work, full-time after each birth. We’d never had the money for me to stay home and it was very hard to leave my kids. I was a preschool teacher and my kids went to the same school as me because the school was a daycare/preschool. Before we were married, we talked about having kids and that I would stay at home. God had a different plan for us. The time I spent working, God grew my faith in Him and stretched me in ways I never would have imagined. I’d been a preschool teacher since I was 20. I put a lot into my career, through school and sacrifice but now we have entered into a new season. My health suffered after my last(4th) baby was born and I left my job. I feel like that door is closed now and God needs me to be here at home with my kids. Financially things are not easy but I know that this is where God wants me to be and He has promised to take care of our needs. I actually had a very difficult time transitioning to being at home. I joined a small group, here in St. John’s county and we read Christine Caine’s book ‘Can I have and do it all please’. It was through that book, small group (thanks Debbie!!), and Shine (so amazing!!) that I was able to finally see the path that God needed me to be on. I am taking it one day at a time and waiting to see where God will put me next. In the meantime, I am enjoying this time I have with my kids because they will only be this young for a little while. They are 21 months, 4, 6, and 7.

Kerri,

I am so glad I read this post. I am not a mother. My husband and I just married in February and I just started Graduate School. However, I have been struggling with this subject because if I do not have to work then I would love to stay home with our kids one day, at least for the better part of their childhood. So I have been struggling on whether or not God wants me to continue in getting a Masters and in what (because I am torn between two degree options), especially since I feel as though I will be a full time mother, for many many years, if not permanently.

Thanks for sharing!

Funny, this is actually an issue I’m praying about now. When my son was born my husband and I agreed that I would quit my job and stay home to raise him. I did not want to miss anything! It was something both of us wanted and we are very glad I did stay home with our son. When my son started first grade I entered the work place once again due to several different reasons, one being money but I’ve felt guilty about it ever since. I don’t think it’s wrong for a mother to work outside the home, I think it’s a personal choice that each mom has to make for herself. But for me, now that I’ve worked outside the home for about 3 years, I miss being able to take my son to school, pick him up as soon as school is out (not send him to aftercare until 6pm) go on all of his field trips and be around for any special events the school may host during the day. I miss being active in my son’s daily activities and I want that back. My son also says that he wishes I did not work so I could be with him more.

I don’t think it’s wrong for moms to work as every woman is different as is every home and its needs. I really do feel it’s a decision that each woman has to make for herself (and of course with her huband). I do feel howerver that as women we try to have “it all” and we need to redefine what “IT ALL” really is. For me it’s a happy and healthy home with God as its head.

I have also faced, even from my own family, looks and comments of disapproval when they hear me say that I want to be a stay at home mom again. Almost like it’s a lazy way of life and just a way to get out of working a “real” job. It almost angers me to hear this because I feel that because I have this wonderful blessing of my son, that my main job and real job is to make sure he’s taken care of in the best way possible. Not with only tangible things but a tangible mom, that is around when he needs and wants her. And is also around when he needs guideness. I want to be sure that my son is constantly getting godly influence in his life.

My husband and I are believing that God is making a way for me to be a stay at home mom once again and continue to raise my son in all of His ways. But most of all I’m seeking God’s perfect will for my life because if I’m in His perfect will….. then everything else will fall into place.

I worked full time right up until the day our first daughter was born. Both my husband and I agreed that I would stay at home with the kids once they arrived into this world. I never looked back. I was and am so glad that I have chosen to stay at home with the kids. Now that I am pregnant with our third child, I realize how special and fast those moments are when your kids are so young. Will I go back to work? At some point, absolutely. As a matter of fact working at home in the evenings after the kids go to bed is the goal for me right now to bring in extra money. Money is tight without my full-time income, but somehow God manages to work it all out. Hand me downs, and coupons are the norm now, and as part of my job, I am the CEO of savings. Do I regret not furthering my career by going back to work? No way. The decision was so right for our family, and I see the benefit of me being at home with the children God blessed us with through the close knit relationship we have. I am the one that has gotten to kiss their hurts, I saw their first steps, I held them all day and night when their fevers spiked over 102 degrees, not worrying about sick days or vacation days. In other words, I have been there for every moment that I valued as important in their lives. It was a gift from God to allow me to do that. Do I look down on other mothers that make a different decision than mine? No way. What is right for me may not be right for others. We don’t all like chocolate ice cream right? Why should we then hold each other to the exact same standard that we hold to ourselves in living our lives? The end result is the same, you are blessed with a child, and in the end you are a mother whether you return to the workplace or decide to stay at home full time.

Wow! Love all these incredible perspectives. Thanks to all of you for contributing your thoughts. This is a little bit of a tender topic because all of us want nothing but the very best for our children and families, so it makes us s women very vulnerable as we open up about our decisions. Thanks again for opening up you hearts. xxKerri

I was raised in a home where my dad worked and my mom stayed home with us and was very involved with school and extracurricular activities that we did. I was always told I could be anything I wanted to be and always strived to better myself through more education because I wanted to be “more than a stay at home mom.” Now I have 2 kids and have to work way more than I want just to pay for student loans that got me where I am now. At this point in my life, what I really want to be is a full time mom. I really wish that when I was being told that I could be anything I wanted, someone would have told me that being a mom was the best thing I could be.