Marriage: Is your guy in the gate?

by Kerri Weems on Mar 21, 2011 - 18 Comments

Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:23 NIV

What is this verse doing right in the middle of Provers 31? It has nothing to do with the virtuous woman, does it? Is the Bible trying to tell us that only a woman with a husband of social or political prominence qualifies as this biblical superwoman in the making? I definitely think NOT. But, I do think there is a subtle message here connecting the Proverbs 31 woman to her husband’s success. We have all heard the saying, “Behind every good man is an even better woman.” (Or something like that.) Well, this verse is kind of the Bible’s way of saying that. As wives we hold a very influential place in the hearts of our guys. If things are as they should be, we have access to places in their hearts and souls that nobody else does — and we should use that access wisely.

Right now I am preparing for an ARC Women App Session that I will be presenting at All Access 2011 in April. Part of the message I am preparing has to do with women being the keepers, guardians, and nurturers of the dreams that God places in the hearts of our husbands. Of course God gives His amazing daughters their own dreams to keep, guard, and nurture. But the trick is to walk in all God is calling us to personally, all the while neither outrunning nor weighing down our men in the pursuit of their God-given dreams.

The truth of the matter is, once we enter into a marriage covenant, we are no longer two, but one. (Mark 10:8) And the reality that presents us with is that when we fail to push the limits of capacity and growth in our own lives, our limitations eventually come to bear upon the person we are married to.

….When we say no to God, we perhaps close doors that could be opened to our spouse as well as to us.

….When we refuse to forgive, we harden areas of our souls that could be used to nurture relationship with our spouse.

….When we continually give in to selfishness, we set a pattern of making relational withdrawals that are not balanced by deposits — eventually we may find there is nothing left to withdraw from.

….When we choose to consistently focus on what is wrong rather than celebrate what is right, it’s very probable that we facilitate the closing, rather than the opening, of our spouse’s heart to us.

It’s so important to understand that our pursuit of healthy, God-first marriages begins with the pursuit of a healthy, God-first self. Believe it our not, embrace it our not, walk in it or not — your husband’s success is impacted by you! You are an integral part of what God wants to do in and through him. You’re not just a little extra in God’s script for your man’s life — you’re the main character! So I want to encourage you today, don’t underestimate the influence and the place you hold. Push the limits on your life, and I believe you will see your marriage flourish too!

18 Comments

  1. Lisa says: March 21, 2011 • 09:49:15

    good stuff pastor

  2. Jammy says: March 21, 2011 • 10:20:28

    I really needed to hear that today.

  3. Rei says: March 21, 2011 • 10:39:44

    Love it I needed that today. My husband is going through some stuff because he just renewed his faith in christ:) which I have been praying for years for:) but with that he just quit smoking too:) he is really trying to live his life right:) I’m so proud of him! With that though he is not always the easiest person to be around from time to time :) he said that he would have never turned his life around if it wasnt for me;) to be honest though it was God there were times when I had given up hope and all I could do was pray through it;) Just when I thought all hope was lost that was when the change started;) So thank you for all the years you and Pastor Stoval have prayed for us:) I love you guys;)

  4. Lea Sims says: March 21, 2011 • 10:41:00

    POWERFUL. Love to see someone expound on that wee verse tucked into Prov 31. It packs a punch. To me that statement says the household of the Prov 31 woman is in balance – both husband and wife are living a life of devotion and earning the favor of God and men, not just that hard-working wife. It can be too easy for women to read Prov 31 and think they have to do it all. We don’t. God gives us husbands so we can both do it together. Thank you, Jesus. :)

  5. Megan says: March 21, 2011 • 10:51:27

    Thank you for listening to God and sharing that message with us today-the timing was perfect.

  6. julie seals says: March 21, 2011 • 12:25:54

    Wow!!! I really, REALLY needed (and wanted) to hear this! I was driving this morning on my way to school, and was fervently asking God to help me become the woman of God – and the WIFE – that He has created and designed me to be! Thank you, Pastor Kerri, for your wisdom and insight…for your encouragement and for the confirmation of the pivotal role I play in the life and destiny of my husband! This is a Word straight from God! Thank you, again!!!

  7. Debbie Heald says: March 21, 2011 • 13:10:20

    Wow! what a power packed blog post– much to chew on! I can’t wait to hear your ARC App Sess– it’s going to be incredible!! love you PK!!

  8. lisa branch says: March 21, 2011 • 13:18:22

    My husband is really my bff for life…we are so committed to our marriage and each other…thru me God is leading him to HIM!

  9. Leigh S. says: March 21, 2011 • 13:26:11

    Thanks Kerri–I needed to hear that today! As a newlywed to a successful, self-made man, I tend to underestimate my influence and my role in his success / future success. Thank you for the reminder that I have an important part to play!

  10. Kerri Weems says: March 21, 2011 • 15:28:16

    @Lea great perspective– thanks for adding!

    @Julie I am sure you’re an amazing wife! 

    @everybody else thanks for your responses! Xx

  11. Ashley Caneva says: March 21, 2011 • 16:05:01

    Wow! This is awesome! Thanks for posting this!

  12. Dludwig says: March 21, 2011 • 16:29:50

    WOW! Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you for always speaking encouragement into my life.

  13. Katie says: March 21, 2011 • 16:44:52

    Amazing! You inspire me so much! I love this post, and it will help me to be the wife and women I am called to be. Thank you so much. ~Katie xxoo

  14. Eleana says: March 21, 2011 • 16:49:11

    Great post Kerri! love it! I am so excited about all access!

  15. Alisa Hendry says: March 22, 2011 • 00:50:59

    Pastor Kerri-I love watching you flourish as a Prov. 31 wife..such an example to us. I know one thing to be true..my marriage has truly taught me the most about God’s love and how amazing God is! And my marriage reveals my flaws the most…praise God for that! Always better for God to fix me rather than remain selfish, immature and ignorant.
    My hubby is a gift from God to me!

  16. Megan D. says: March 22, 2011 • 09:55:30

    Thank you so much for sharing these words of wisdom with us!

  17. Kerri Weems says: March 22, 2011 • 10:59:12

    Hi Everybody! Thanks for commenting on this post. Glad it encouraged you!

  18. sarah robichaux says: March 22, 2011 • 13:58:35

    I needed that! Great words, thanks for sharing your heart!

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