Last week I wrote about my tumultuous relationship with social media. We have an on-again-off-again thing going. I wrote about some of the things I love about Twitter. Today I am going rant write about some of the things that bother me.
- Social media allows people to create a degree of influence regardless of whether they have built anything of significance. The number of followers someone has doesn’t necessarily correspond to what they have actually accomplished. It can, but many times it doesn’t. Lots of followers create the illusion of influence, but you shouldn’t assume that followers are an accurate reflection of a true leadership. Followers reflect connectivity, not leadership.
- Reading people’s tweets is like watching the highlight reel of their lives. You will read things like, “Going out to dinner with my HOT hubby!” OR “8 MILLION people were baptized at Living Hills Church (fake name) tonight — and that’s just our NEW campus!” OR “Just had the BEST dinner with the BEST friends at the BEST restaurant EVER!!! Love my BFFs!” Of course no one’s daily life is like this every minute of every day. But who is going to tweet things like the following?
- “Driving through McDs with my mediocre and slightly paunchy man — gonna be a normal night.” OR
- “Wow — such huge attendance at Easter. This Sunday was really disappointing.” OR
- “Out to dinner with my friends. It’s ok — not that much fun. But hey, who wants to sit home on Friday night?”
Ok see, those last three bullets are what most people’s day-to-day lives are like, but it’s only the high points that you will ever hear. Of course people are going to tweet the best parts of their lives, and that’s fine! But you should not mistake that for their “normal.” If you’re not careful, you can start to compare your “game film” to everyone else’s “highlight reel,” and your own life will seem dull by comparison. Don’t fall into that trap.
- Twitter and Facebook (and blogs for that matter), make it easy for people to say things online that they would never say to another person’s face. Somehow, people create this online identity that is different from their real life identity, and they act out in rude and inappropriate ways. Psychologists have a word for this, dissociative. In a very general sense, it’s a fragmenting of the self and it is regarded as very unhealthy. Social media allows us to present ourselves differently than we truly are, and when it goes too far, it can weaken us mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Don’t do or say anything online that you wouldn’t do or say in person.
- Reading about all that others are doing can make you feel like you aren’t doing enough. If we are not seriously in tune with what God has called us to do, there can be a temptation to jump out of our lane and into someone else’s lane to run their race instead of our own. Don’t forget that only you can run YOUR race. Be careful not to get distracted by what others are doing and lose sight of what God has called you to do.
- Finally, and I say this somewhat jokingly, I have to wonder if Twitter devalues the phrase “praying for you” just a bit. I’m not God (obviously — SO obviously), so feel free to disagree. But I feel fairly confident in stating that Tweeting “praying for you” is not the same as actually praying for someone. So if you tweet it, pray it.
What about you? Have you noticed any negatives about social media? Do you think social media is having a positive or negative affect on our culture? How do you place limits on social media in your own life?
I have to agree. I believe it really cheapens the power of relationship. Saying what needs to be said in 140 characters or less isn’t the best avenue to nurture lasting relationships. Just an observation.
Excellent! This is not talked about enough. I work in the technology industry and I am blown away how easily people attach themselves to something “new” without thinking about the ramifications. Why do you think the owner of Facebook is worth $15billion dollars? They sell every bit of information on that person, to whoever will buy it. Shouldn’t that scare people? I got off of Facebook about 6 months ago, great decision. Don’t miss it at all. In fact, I feel a lot better about not hearing about so many peoples petty problems. Twitter I use for mostly my news feed on different subjects, and try not to intertwine my personal life into it. Oh and how is going to help some poor little girl with cancer if I RT it? So people feel sorry for her? Anyway, thanks for talking about a subject that needs to be discussed.
I agree with what you are saying. I find with many relationships online you will see true colors in time. The truth of people awlays comes out in thier actions eventually. Many people believe many lies that they later find out about. Having connections is good. Walking in a real friendhsip where you really know the person is better. Like knowing the Lord you can just read about Jesus accept it as your truth but not have the relationship. The relationship is to really know him, I enjoyed your post. Thanks
Thank you, Sister Kerri, for this post!
That is exactly why I never wanted a facebook page! but when I got the tweet that the A21 Campaign was going to have a fb page, I thought I could have one too to support them- my intention was to repost what they posted, to alert my friends and family to the horrors of human trafficking, to do my small part to raise awareness and support…. but i was wholey incapable of keeping it what it was intended to be! my page quickly turned into exactly what facebook is: silly, offensive, and pointless.. while i was posting scriptures and reposting about social injustice, everyone else (except my hubby and a few friends) were posting drama, things that were just plain silly/pointless and yes, offensive stuff too.. I finally decided to deactivate my page when I realized that to keep it is to be tolerent of the offensive stuff. tolerance is NOT mercy or grace. tolerance doesnot hold anyone accountable. tolerance is to let one be abused by another.. and, I respect THE ONE WHO CREATED me too much to let myself be abused by the offensive viewpoints of certain family members… i would much rather deactivate my whole account then to defriend a family member. i just would. “unfriending” is against them, whereas “deactivation” is for me!!
I, also, can’t understand how people can be so cavalier with there personal lives!! posting anything and everything about thoughts, feelings, day-to-day mundaneness and with pictures too!! Where are the boundaries? Where is the self-respect? Where is the respect of others? Where is the awareness of vulnerability? Where is the discretion!! Where are the blinds to their “windows”??? that’s what I want to know!! facebook, twitter, and all the others are windows into their lives.. and i definately do not need to see all of that!!
Thank you again!! It is my prayer that more and more of us in The Body of CHRIST would be made aware of just how damaging it all can be!!
Apryle Rubio
ps: i did struggle with the decision to deactivate my page, only because I was so enjoying being a part of Arc Women.. that I will miss! but I still get their tweets!!
I have a love/hate relationship with social media! I love it but I hate that I can get so lost in it and I lose track of time. It is so easy to get sidetracked by what other people are doing. I do get lost in reading blog posts, reading links on twitter, and facebooking. I can literally spend all day on the computer! I have to put limits on my computer time. I have a schedule that I stick to most days so that I get my time with social media, time for cleaning, time for cooking, and time for the kids. I try to stay off of the computer when my husband is home so I can give him attention in the evenings.
In my daily life, I’m not that vocal about what I do and social media gives me the chance for my voice to be heard, even though sometimes I wonder who is listening, lol. In that respect, I can be bold with social media when I am actually soft-spoken. Social media has been very positive for me personally/professionally but I definitely see how it can be detrimental because of negativity and sensationalized topics. Social media also gives us more access to news and current events. One of the things that really bothers me, is the comments on news posts. Some people are crazy! They really don’t hold back when they can be anonymous and don’t have to say things to someone’s face! I used to read a facebook bible message board and it just wasn’t healthy because of the controversies over doctrine and theology, and some people really went out of their way to be nasty and hateful. I’ve learned to avoid message boards and I keep my facebook for family and friends only.
Love you Pastor Kerri!!
I think if we only used Twitter to follow & connect with loss people, we’d all be a little better for it. Thanks for this honest (& hopeful!) post.
Great post, as always, Kerri. I love social media in all its forms and choose to overlook it’s shortcomings in exchange for the tremendous blessing it has been in my life, particularly Facebook. it is nothing short of amazing that we now enjoy connectivity in a way that no other generation before us has been privileged to experience. For every prior generation, there has been no ready avenue to stay connected in a daily way with remote friends and family, and certainly NO means of doing that for free. Just consider the blessing social media has been to military families. There was also no means for reconnecting us to people we regretted losing touch with. In generations past, people from our past may as well have been dead for all the likelihood that we would ever see, speak to, or even know about them again. There are a lot of people who don’t care a fig about that, but I am not one of them. Facebook (and less so Twitter) have pulled those precious people back onto the radar of my life, and that has been a GIFT. I do agree with you that the risk of stepping into the social media space is that you will be tempted to hide either behind anonymity or inauthenticity. Transparency is the only meaningful approach, whether connecting, sharing, building relationships or ministering. As soon as it becomes a soapbox or a stage, you need to get off.
Love this post! Bil & I have had many conversations about the same thoughts you have.
LOVE this post Kerri. So very true in so many realms. Read this post at the end of a long day that is the beginning of a long week. Your honesty is so encouraging.
Pastor Kerri, I have often said to people,I am so glad they didn’t have this around when I was growing up! I can’t imagine being in high school and dealing with the pressures that go along with being a teen and then adding facebook into the mix! But I am 45 and I happen love fb for many reasons.For example,I got back in touch with a childhood friend that comes from Nashville to visit me and she is a precious blessing in my life! (I hadn’t seen her for 35 years!) I can connect with my friends from Celebration that I might not get to see very often because we go to a different services.My passion is praying for for the sick,so when someone posts that they aren’t well,I take that seriously! Then follow up with them. I absolutely agree that many people misuse it.I cracked up when you wrote not many people are on there writing about their drive- thru experiences with their mediocre,slightly paunchy husbands!( I wish they would!) Do I need to know every place you’ve been,every hour of the day? Of course not!! I am amazed that people put that kid of thing on there! Especially when they friend everybody-isn’t that just inviting people to come rob you because they know you are not at home right then? I feel about it like many things in life that are amoral-it’s all about how you use it!
I agree:) at times it may open the door to twitter/fb stalking.
Just say’n:) more & more feedback from teachers, college
Professors & family express concern from the lack of inter-
personal Communication & weakened senses when addressing
plain Relational conflicts. It’s a great tool but not Helpful when
building communication skills…
Just my opinion…dianna
I agree with your last point – “If you tweet it, pray it.” I thought to myself, “I hope I do that…” then just to make sure after reading your post, I actually went back through my profile to make sure I had prayed for the people that I tweeted I would…. and I was delighted to find that I had.
Great reminder and wonderful post!
Blessings to you -
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Thanks for your honesty, Pastor Kerri! I have struggled with my feelings toward social media, specifically facebook for a long time. I thought it was a great way to connect with church activities or just see pics of friends families and vactions. However, I quickly began to realize that it has the potential to suck the life out of people if they aren’t careful. I soon saw many of my friends and family spending so much time on their facebook page, that they were passing up on face to face opportunities with people, including their families.
I also began to hear stories about secretive connections with people from the past and new connections with more “interesting” people. I saw a whole underground world begin to develop in some of my friends’ lives that they would never dare enter in person. Somehow, behind the curtain of facebook, people would say things they would never say in person and use it as a forum to bash and gossip, After hearing of more than oneextramarital affair that began on facebook, I decided to stop using it. The negatives outweighed the positives for me at that point.
I realize that not everyone uses it this way, but somehow in this environment my “people pleasing” personality rises up and I have difficulty saying no to friend requests or unfriending people when things get inappropriate. I just began figuring out how to set healthy boundaries in real life relationships, now I have a whole new world to learn to use them in! This way of “simplifying” my connections with people, really became complicated fast!
I have stepped away from facebook for over a year now. I still have my page because there are some positive communications that can come from it like coupons and invitations, and especially birthday reminders. These get sent directly to my email. However, I am still on the edge as to wether it is worth it for me to open up this whole other world just so I don’t feel left out. For now, I will stick with Twitter. It is a great way for me to keep up with little things in other’s lives, be inspired and just have a good laugh once in a while. I feel like it’s more life-giving and a great way to inspire others. Who knows if I’ll go back to facebook, but I am all about living a purposeful life that doesn’t allow anything to distract or take away from my faith, family and purpose. Just like you have said before, when you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to another.
There is so much great insight in all these comments that it will be impossible to engage all of it. I tend to walk a bit more on the negative side of the line. I love that Lea, Susan and Libby can engage social media with a positive attitude. On my good days, I do that too. But most of the time I find Facebook to be a drain. Now Twitter — I can be like Libby with this one. I find myself checking it all day long. I have to MAKE myself stop! I think the short messages are easier to digest.
On the flip side, I also agree with Karen and JL and others that we can’t think we truly KNOW people based on social media. I think of Twitter friends as acquaintances, many of whom I DO hope to meet in person one day!.
Great points. For me I have found an authentic and honest community through social media especially Blogs and twitter. They aren’t afraid to share the highlights and the low points. I try to do the same. Sometimes realizing that another person is going through something similar makes all the difference.
Really enjoyed your messages at the reCreate conference at Church of the Highlands.
Yes, Amy. You are right that the “safe distance” provided by social media often makes it easier to become more vulnerable, ironically leading to online relationships that are “truer” than face to face ones. The danger comes when we use social media to be someone we are not, or to be so brutal In our honesty that we hurt people.
Love this post!!….this is so true.
Yes and amen! My husband and I and other friends in ministry talk about this fact regularly. I constantly have to remind myself of the very things you have written about here. And keeping along twitter lines I will end with: #TRUTH.